Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Another Windsor on the way

The past few weeks have been just jam-packed with momentous events: the birth of that Kardashian baby & very soon the birth of another Windsor. After nine months of pregnancy most women are delighted to deliver but word is KKKKaty will be put back on her one biscuit a day diet to keep her mannequin & skeletal & she’s not happy about it. That second biscuit was so tasty & they even allowed her a little sugar in her tea.

Media outlets from around the world are already in place near the hospital. Those revolutions are so inconsequential by comparison & besides it’s just a lot of plebeians. The only really interesting people may be half-witted sponges but they have fancy titles & are very rich. One news outlet did a feature on the “cutest couple moments” of KKKKaty & WWWWilly--taking groveling to new heights. Or is it new depths?

The Bookies are getting rich taking odds on the birthdate, name, gender, eye color, you name it of the child! But that’s only fair since Betty’s clan spends so much money betting on the horses. Geneticists & medical correspondents are being interviewed to navigate the odds. Will he or she have WWWWilly’s big ears? Or Hairy’s red hair?

The geneticist interviewed said the baby will stand out among the other Windsors because KKKKaty is the first commoner to marry into the family since the 17th century. Marriage within a small gene pool (that means when you marry your cousins) means “a bad gene has a pretty good chance of rearing its ugly head.” And the Windsors provide plenty of confirmation for that! Our man who took time away from saving lives for this paltry discussion also said KKKKaty’s commoner genes might lead to a darker-skinned child (those are his very words!) because dark genes are dominant over lighter ones. He should have shut up when he was already going down but he added "The odds are the child will have darker skin color than the royals might be used to.” Their own pasty hue is due to common lineage from a deranged troll who never left the Black Forest. Since the family is notorious for its racism, this bodes not well for the child.

Having a child is a blessed event & we wish the baby well. But regrettably it will be raised in the most unfortunate of circumstances, within a family headed by Betty, her “anus horribilis,” Phil, & hapless Hairy. This can’t turn out well!

(Artist’s rendition of what the Windsor kid might look like from CNN)

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