Reinventing Hairy

The British moochocracy is pulling out all the stops in reinventing Hairy & his 6-day trip to the US is part of the PR extravaganza. They can pull it off if they just keep our boy sober. The tour alternatives between the maudlin & the martial never observing the dichotomy between the two. First they evoke the image of Diana (posed as Mother Teresa of the moochocracy) with his appearance at a land mine exhibit. Then he dons military outfits to attend war games, act somber at Arlington Cemetery, meet with John McCain (who dull minds consider a war hero), & play volleyball with injured veterans. Did anyone note land mines wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for their damn wars!?

When he visited the US Congress they got female senate office staff to line the corridors & scream like adolescent groupies. Unseemly, but then Congress doesn’t usually attract rebels as its minions. Apparently there was a crowd viewing him at Arlington also but nobody in the photos exhibited more enthusiasm than they would if encountering Waldo Jones. Who is Waldo you ask? That’s precisely the point!

The main way they’re keeping Hairy sober is to have him cornered & guarded at all times. At the White House state dinner where Michelle Obama was fawning all over him, he was pinned between Teresa Heinz (wife of John Kerry & daughter of a blue-nosed Presbyterian minister) & the British ambassador. Any false moves & there’d be a fork up his ass!

Security for Hairy is being handled by the US State Department in some kind of quid pro quo with the British government: you have our backs in joint wars of plunder & we’ll keep him sober, out of brothels, out of his Nazi uniform, & fully clothed! Now if the citizens of England continue to pay tax money to support his indolence, that’s their concern. (Though how can they still claim to be descendants of the Chartists!?) But when paying for the moochocracy comes out of our tax dollars, it’s time for the Boston Tea Party to reconvene. Time to rally the militias!

(Photo of Hairy with security detail paid by US tax payers, by Getty Images)